CHARLIE KIRK IS DEAD!
The hospital went decently, although I hate those white walls, dim lights and extended corridors. It feels like a map design from Resident Evil.
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital, which I've been dreading all year.
Besides that, my parents are arguing. My dad wants to spend more time with my mum, mother wants my dad to be a better husband, I'm honestly on her side. I heard divorce being mentioned and I don't want them to split up, but for wholly selfish reasons. I'm quite fine with being homeschooled and I'd be the ultimate bullying victim if I were to be forced into public school. Oh well, like most things in my life, I have no control.
Yesterday I decided to socially transition. My parents already knew I was trans (not from my own choice to come out) but I had decided not to actually go by a different name due to the fact that I'm a coward and ashamed about my identity. But hopefully I won't hate myself as much aymore. Anyway, my parents are completely fine with it of course and when they initially found out that I was a guy they were "shocked but not surprised" and said "it was shocking of course, but it's like it confirmed something we already knew" so they said me actually just presenting as male was better. My dad told my grandma (my expanded family weren't aware) and she's also accepting and it's unfortunately made her belief that she has psychic abilities stronger because when my mum was pregnant she was convinced I was a boy.
Besides that, today my mum has been decluttering her books because she's somewhat hoarding them. She decided to give me The Great Gatsby and The Turn of The Screw as she wasn't going to read them.
JOIN THE CLIPPY MOVEMENT. Also, I've been attempting to make different types of bread recently. For example, a bread with raisins and milkbread. I may try making brioche when I can get ingredients.
Recently I've been doing nothing but organising Lego into sets (it's all mixed into one big box) so I can sell them on Ebay. Trying to find specific pieces for each set is actually trying to find needles in a haystack. It's tedious. Besides that, today I've read an essay by C.S. Lewis on how you can prove if praying works. I don't believe in prayer, but I think Lewis's view on it makes the most sense for those who do believe.
Today I've been feeling very down. I guess I do usually anyway, melancholic or empty and devoid of anything, but I'm especially miserable today. I'm not sure why.
Well, today has been a mixed bag. On one half, I managed to find Dante's Inferno and Purgatorio from Oxfam and they're very nice versions, the Oxford University Press oness. One page has the original Italian and the right page has the English translation. There are loads of notes and commentary from the translator. I also bought a cheap collection of Chekhov's short stories and found an Evangelion hoodie for £1. I get little pocket money, but I'd say I'm good at finding deals.
On the other hand, it turns out my mother has been keeping the fact that she's hundreds of pounds in-debt secret. I'm both shocked and frustrated. I became very frugal at a young age due to my family not being well-off, I was aware of money to an extreme to the point where I'm constantly worrying about it, yet my parents are so incompetent I'm the mature one. I'm a teenager, I shouldn't be the financial expert of the family. I've been told many times that I'm too mature for my age, a forty year old in the body of a child, but how is it a shock to anyone? I have to be, no one else in my family is, they may as well be eight years old.